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A Brief Check In

Well, I'm back in Texas. Perhaps I should state that I left Texas before I announce my return to Texas. I've tried to write this post before. It's been a very slow process and I've given up more than a few times.

I miss my Danielle something fierce. In addition to the beauty of being with family, it was incredible to be with her for the Thanksgiving break. I know have only two weeks before I'm hanging out with her again.

This won't be anything deep or colorful. I just wanted to let the two or three readers that I still breathe and I still think. Good things are forthcoming.

Musings From a Whore

I'm back in Texas. It's an odd feeling. It's sort of bittersweet. As much as I love Texas and my roommates and my guys, I miss home. I miss family. I miss the lovely girl I left behind. I know that Texas still has a few years left for me. It's not easy being away from the ones you care about. I'm thankful for the family of friends I have down here. They are extremely sustaining to me.

The Cardinals continue to give me hope. While the evil that is the Chicago Cubs have pretty much run away with the Central title, the Redbirds are still in the running for the Wild Card race. If we can catch up to the Brewers (and if the Phillies slump and distance their third place slot from us), we'll have a shot for October. Yes, those are big if's. But that's what September baseball is all about. Time and chance. It's kind of like life.

My heart has been shocked and rocked these past couple of weeks. I've started reading Jeremiah. The first three chapters alone have shook my bones and ripped my heart. It's hard to leave them. The language is extremely gripping and unapologetic. God straight up calls Israel a whore. Not only that but a sex addict of a whore. He describes her as a wild donkey, sniffing the air in her heat, looking for someone to mate. He calls her a wayward bride who bows down like a whore under every green tree, on every hill. She scatters her favors to every foreigner.

As God is laying down His list of truthful charges against His faithless people, He asks them the key question in chapter 2, verse 18. "What do you gain?" He asks them why they chased after the Egyptians and the Assyrians and sought the benefits of their gods. In Ezek. 23:20, He calls Israel a whore who goes after Egypt and Assyria for the size of their genitalia. Such is the weightiness of God’s grief over a people who are faithless. But I see my own reflection in Jeremiah 2. What do I gain when I chase after my own interests? What do I gain when I establish my own happiness or my own satisfaction in anything other than God? Have I not come to realize that it is an evil and bitter thing to forsake my Lord? Then God goes on to describe in 2:20-21 how it was He who liberated them from Egypt. It was He who planted them like a choice vine in the land of Canaan. Israel had lost sight of how great and awesome and terrible and beautiful God is. They forgot that it was Him who liberated them from Egypt with the most colossal displays of splendor and power. They had no long term memory of what He had done for them.They’d simply forgotten. And so, they ran rampant from place to place looking for satisfaction, bowing down like a whore under every green tree.

It’s so easy to shake my head in disbelief. How could anyone leave the greatest good in all existence? But isn’t that true of me? Isn’t it true of all the children of God? This is me. I forget that He liberated me from the bondage of sin. I forget that His grace overran my evil and recalcitrant will. forget that He rescued me from the domain of darkness and transferred me to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom I have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Jeremiah 2 is me! My face is hauntingly clear in every word. Every time I let the gravity and blazing wonder of what the Lord did for me at the cross fade, I become vulnerable. My heart is prone to wander and I’m inclined to bow down like a whore to lesser things. I lose all fear of God and sin becomes a much less dangerous thing in my mind. I give Him my back and not my face.

Now, the heartbreaking truth of my faithlessness in Jeremiah 2 is healed when I read chapter 3, from verse 12 onward. Though God could be eternally angry with His faithless people, He’s please to instead be merciful. Oh, thank God! What did God require of His wayward love? 3:13: “Only acknowledge your guilt.” And what guilt was that? Their guilt (and my daily guilt that is covered by the blood of Christ) was rebellion, the scattering their favors among foreigners under every green tree and a failure to obey His beautiful voice. But, if they would only return, the Lord promises to no longer look at them in anger, to heal their faithfulness, to return them to their home (in exiled Israel’s case, Jerusalem), to give them teachers after His own heart and blessings. The only thing more overwhelming than the thought of my own infidelity is the promise of His constant and unconditional fidelity. If He were not faithful to His own word to never leave nor forsake me, I would be hell bound and loving it. Thank You. Thank You for what You bring to mind when I reflect on my own faithlessness. Thank You for capturing my devotion and love as a husband captures the affections of his bride.

The Lion Has Roared

I'm convinced that no good thing dwells in Chicago. That's the Cardinals fan in me talking. Chicago, particularly Wrigley Field, is a breeding ground for evil.

I would like to take this opportunity to spread the word about www.noisetrade.com. It's an amazing website that lets you download great music at very little cost. You either tell 3 (three) friends about an album or you pay what you want for it. It's that easy. Go try it out! I've found William F. Gibbs to be a perfectly incredible musician and I'm enjoying his album tremendously.

I was reading Amos today. It's sad that he's not as famous as his cookie counterpart. But the Old Testament Amos has so much more to offer than a popular baked goods franchise ever could. Remember that, please.

Is God secretive? Is He the unknowable shaker of nations? Does He operate behind a black veil of cosmic espionage? Does He act and leave humanity with no clue as to His motivation? Certainly, the greatest King in existence and conception need not justify His reasoning to a people born from dust. How wonderful, then, and how thrilling is it that God does not act without revealing His motives to His people? Amos 3:7, in the midst of imploding and burning nations, states with a full and undisturbed confidence, "For the Lord God does nothing without revealing His secrets to His servants the prophets." Praise falls short by light years to express the gratitude due to a merciful God who gives warning shots. His wrath is not blind and puerile, like a whimsical 2 year old that throws a fit because no one will play nice.

In chapters 1 and 2 of Amos, the Lord describes plainly and in unsettling detail why fire and wrath is destined for these certain peoples. And where are God's secrets crystallized? How can we know His motivation, His mind? In the words of His prophets! Those words have been entombed in paper and leather and they scream comfort to His troubled people. They scream comfort to me. The Bible encapsulates the thoughts of God. It doesn't reveal all God intends or purposes. The secret things belong to the Lord (Deut.28:28). But He has made clear to us what He would have us know. There is no need for guess work when it comes to figuring out what the Lord is like and what He demands.

I love 3:8: "The lion has roared. Who will not fear? The Lord God has spoken. Who can but prophesy?" Warning! There is a danger out there and it will kill you! That danger is God. You will ruin yourself if you keep living with a blind eye to consequence! God will undo you! What person who knows that can but prophesy? Meaning, who can but proclaim that truth (prophesy meaning to declare truth, not only to foretell a future event God has revealed)? I have heard the lion roar. I have heard and I have read. My heart has been run through by Romans 1:18 that says that "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth." So then how can I not but shout it? How can I not make it clear that God is furious, and rightly so, with what the peoples have done and who they are? If I truly understand the fearsome qualities of that mighty lion and the danger He poses to those who are deserving of His wrath, how can I not be moved into action? It's a question that will haunt me and stick in my mind like shrapnel. I thank God for such haunting thoughts.

Midnight Shakes the Memory

T.S Eliot once wrote that "Midnight shakes the memory." I've loved that line. I wish that I came up with it because it is intensely accurate for me. The other side of daylight is when my mind starts working and starts trembling and starts talking. And here is something I've been kicking around these past couple nights. It seems like such a silly confession, such a silly problem. But for a distracted mind like myself, it's no paper tiger.

I tend to feel guilty about reading fiction. Funny, isn't it? Stay with me now. I've felt guilty about it for some time. Fictions feels lie a mistress kept in the dark by my fidelity to Scripture. Why would I feel that way? I think it's because Truth and fiction wear the same clothes. They're dressed up in leather and paper and they wear black and red ink on their faces. And so, when I spend too much time drowning in Vonnegut, I'm soon smothered with guilt for neglecting my delight in my mind's immersion in the Word. So, I've kept my distance from fiction and imagination for fear of whoring after a greater love than God. I'm very much a monomaniac. When I devote myself, it's to one thing and to one thing only. And my mind becomes a breathing, bleeding hell of shame for being "lured" away by a good paperback.

That's why I'm so glad that Francis Schaeffer wrote "Art and the Bible". It's been so liberating to see that God's sovereignty is not threatened by artistic expression and, in fact, He uses it and created it. The God who incarnated His Word to save my soul isn't scared that Hemingway or Bradbury will posses my heart. They may capture my interest but interest is only the surface. It's the paint job on the hull. What's beneath, what's impenetrable, is a captured heart, bought by Christ's blood.

Speaking briefly of "artistic breakthroughs", I'd like to say this. I have no patience for epiphanies. In the same way that progress for the kingdom is stalled by people waiting to hear God's will for there lives, how much creativity remains dull while writers and artists wait for the lighting to strike? All you need is the mellow motivation of coffee or a song or a beating heart. No one expects gold in every prospector's pan. If that were the reality, it wouldn't nearly be as exciting to hunt for it.

Your PB from J for today: "You just shook your head! That doesn't make you happy?"

Chases

I just got back from the dentist and, of course, had to have chocolate cake and a Dr. Pepper. I've recently been introduced by various friends to some incredible musicians. Mind if I share? I hope that you don't. Do check out Steve Moakler on itunes. I believe he was, until recently, a student at Mizzou. This guy has a phenomenal voice and the rare ability to spark a good song into existence. Also, a band called Fundamental Elements has become so amazing to me. Their song "That Girl", especially, is so brilliantly sassy and fantastic that I put it on repeat for hours on end. Also, I've found an amazing rapper (yeah, I know. Rap sucks.). But this guy is straight theology injected into rap. It's incredible! He's got Piper sermon excerpts on Romans 5 and a song defending the doctrine of limited atonement. He's name is Shai Linne. You'd do well to check him out, even if you're like me and can't usually stand rap. I could list more but this would become a showcase and review and that thought wearies me somethin' fierce.

I've been struggling epically with desires and contentment. Some days are much easier than others. Some days aren't. I was reading through 1 Timothy 6:6-11 the other day. Paul says that it is with contentment that great gains in godliness can be found. Why? Because we have nothing here. We are the terrestrial tenants. And so, Paul argues, since our eternal destiny will not be inclusive of the stuff we accumulate here, then why crave it? Yes, these verses deal immediately with material possessions and the harmful senselessness of it. But, like everything, this is an issue of the wellspring (what Prov.4:23 calls the heart). It's a contest of desires. If I have food and clothing, I'm supposed to be content. Why? Because my desires are to be sated with something else, with something more. What am I to chase and be satisfied with if not the beautiful things on the earth?

A relationship is something that I can't take with me to glory. Despite what the poets sing, a romance is limited to life on the ground. It's like a balloon tied to a tree. It will never leave the atmosphere. So what do I do? I am designed to desire. The original blueprint for man included him being a chaser. But cravings can burn my world down if they seek to embrace the many infernos found in my stay on earth.

But verse 11 unleashes me! Look at this: "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things [the things of this world that I tend to crave]. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness." Pursue these! Chase these! Chase them down and capture them. Engross yourself in the art of pursuit. But why is that hard for me? Because the object of that chases is godliness. It's a pursuit of something that my sinful flesh wants nothing to do with. It will require an iron fist and a heart in love with God. Righteousness. Godliness. Faith. Love. Gentleness. I want more of them. And I want to want more of them!

If I can become thoughtfully desirous (the opposite of infatuated) with these traits of a man of God, I can enjoy and find intense (and intensely real) fulfillment in Christ, thus glorifying God. And for me to seek that kind of contentment in the love for a woman (though that love be good), I'd be missing the point entirely. I can't take it with me. But those 1 Tim.6:11 attributes will be with me in glory and, indeed, already permeate it. To chase a romance without first having captured godliness is a remarkable display of wasted time.

Passion Without Faithfulness?

The topic of passion has been in my mind these last couple of days. I recently stopped by a youth group meeting at a church I had not attended in years. Many of the old, familiar faces were no longer there. But there was a very noticeable "electricity" in the group. I hate using that word to describe a feeling. But the students in assembly were simply charged with an almost palpable sense of community and fellowship. I thought that was interesting. Then the pastor got up to preach. Despite the clarity and steadfast treatment of the text, I noticed that he used the word "passion" a lot. I think I actually lost count of the number. He urged the students to have passion and commended them for their passion and plead that they would cultivate and control the right and wrong type of passions, respectively.

Why bring this up? It's not only in this one instance that I have noticed an overabundance of passion-oriented preaching. Note that I didn't say "passionate preaching" but passion-oriented preaching, preaching that is geared towards and designed for the purpose of the self production of passion. And when I say passion, I mean an intense zeal and excitement. This mild obsession with passion doesn't seem, to me, an entirely even-handed treatment of the Christian life. Did I say mild? Isn't there an entire annual conference called "Passion"?

Now, let me make one thing clear. I am not against passion. I am not against godly emotions (or "affections", as the Puritans would say). I love it when I read or study a text and the words rip apart my pride and melt my eyes and shatter my sinful flesh. It provokes this rumbling, hot fervor and zeal for my Master's glory. I would call that a passion. There is a passion for passion in the youth culture of the Body of Christ. I've witnessed it in many different churches and individually in the lives of Christians. To me, this passion is almost alarming. It is alarming because it is unbalanced. What is it missing? It lacks a definite emphasis on faithfulness. Passion has become the 10th fruit of the Spirit. The mark of passion has almost entirely become a mark of the godly. If you would be godly, they seem to say, you surely must have this passion. A Christian or a church that seems "dead" or is simply more subdued in their expression of worship or zeal is branded as unspiritual by many young Christians I have spoken with. That idea is a danger to the church. Because passion is not always there. Passion cannot always be there.

Sometimes I open my Bible and the ink slides off my mind into a harmless puddle on the floor. Now, maybe I'm not a very spiritual and passionate Christian. Or maybe, like most of us, I'm simply a human Christian. When that happens, am I to be despondent for my lack of passion? I am to be faithful.

In Revelation 2:4-5, Jesus rebukes a church for abandoning their first love (namely, Christ). That church had fallen out of love with Jesus. They had no passion for Him. They had no godly affectionate response to their Savior. What does Christ command them to do about it? Wait for that passion to come back? Pray that God would stir their hearts back to a godly zeal, fit for worship and service? No. He tells them to repent and to "do the works you did at first". Do the works you did at first? That is faithfulness. It is obediently seeking after the Lord through the Scriptures, through prayer even though you feel dry and dead and empty. That is what faithfulness is. And it is that faithfulness that produced that godly passion in the first place.

My fear is that passion is getting the spotlight and faithfulness is trapped back in Galatians 5 with the other marks of the Christian. Young Christians are taught and encouraged to sprint and to search for energy bursts yet they seem ignorant the truth that our faith is a marathon. When Paul talked about Christianity as a race, he was not talking about a sprint of passion but a faithful, long trek that was indeed passionate. We need to be training and conditioning ourselves with this marathon mentality. It is a desperate need today.